I almost cried — I went to see my therapist today, who has been guiding me on my path since February. A path that pulls me back and forth. The path of a closeted trans woman. I had already written to my therapist once in 2021. I was told that she could no longer…

On holiday with my mental toolbox — On 24 July I published the post that I now remain a “man.” Yes, I have stuck it out since then. But what has happened since then? After my decision, first of all everything was okay so far. Not perfect, but okay. …

What is a trend? — I was just reading some fresh articles on the topic of transgender and stumbled across the term “trans-trender”. Nice, very nice. Not. Being transgender is dismissed as a trend..! *facepalm* What is a trend? A trend, for example, is bell-bottoms or the undercut. …

I think staying like this will be the lesser pain — I’ve talked for months about what it’s like to be a trans woman, I’ve made decisions, set appointments, even started taking hormones myself (diy). The full programme. But now it’s over. I give up. Once and for all. I will cancel my appointments for beard removal and official hormone therapy…

That’s me — One issue that has been weighing heavily on my mind the last few days is that my work performance is noticeably declining, at least for me. Why is that? I have a new position as a boss since April. I have a team of about 7 internal people and another…

How quickly topics of conversation become colourful. — Since I realised who I really am more than 4 years ago, I take discussions or even isolated side sentences in the direction of LGBTQ very differently. I weigh almost every word with the gold scale and not infrequently feel compelled to speak out against something that is so wrong…

I have a plan. — Since I can’t bring myself to tell my wife that I’m also a woman who is stupidly 6'3" and has a penis, I’ve made a decision. The decision is so fierce that I understandably doubt it sometimes. But I have already initiated some things. I’ve been going to psychotherapy for…

Taking more testosterone was suggested — A few thoughts on comments that reach me. Many other trans people understand exactly what I am talking about. Some other people don’t. The idea of taking oestrogen to feminise the body is difficult to understand and accept if you are not affected yourself. I received advice in various directions. …

A testosterone lament — After stopping my self-induced dose of antiandrogens and oestrogen, testosterone is slowly but surely returning to my body. With all the (un)loved effects. But much earlier, about 1 or 2 days after I stopped my DIY HRT, something else started, a rethinking in my head that I didn’t even control. …